Sandy Warner ~ ~ ~ ~


Here are some healthy keys in communicating with people.  These good habits will help re-build broken bridges and heal hearts.


1.  Jesus told us to honor one another and esteem them higher than ourselves. 


If Jesus got down on His knees to wash His friend’s feet, we should do the same.  That very act is basically looking up at the other person and serving them where they walk.


Try looking in the natural world and then bringing along the spiritual world as parables and tools to build that person’s faith and relationship in the Lord.  If that person won’t let you in to know their natural world, then look for their spiritual gifts and build from there. 


When you look up to a person, acknowledge that you are seeing and hearing Jesus in them.  That part of them that is Jesus, you are learning from, appreciating and finding joy in fellowship with Him and the other person.  When you look up to a person, it is also their character in their choices, motives and trials.  Try to honor those qualities by letting the other person know when you have a chance. 


2.  Always try to build up the other person by looking for their good qualities. 


Continually look for opportunities to acknowledge them to that person so they become established in that good quality.


When you are looking for good qualities, there are physical, spiritual, moral, and personality qualities.  The more time building up what is most important, the more they will try to become that person on a consistent level.


When you try to build up a persons’ good qualities it makes them feel loved, approved, validated, established and honored.  It gives them a sense of identity and heals rejection and shame.


3.  Always try to withhold any kind of negative “you” statement. 


Withhold statements that point a finger and label the other person’s character or behavior in any kind of negative way.


Try not to criticize, complain about or tear the other person down in any way, but instead reinforce the opposite positive behavior and choices when you recognize them. 


4.  Always try to accept the other person and try not to change that person. 


Instead pray about the things that you feel need to change and then wait for God given opportunities to discuss them if you have a close enough relationship to warrant that. 


5.  Always try to refrain from being defensive when you feel falsely accused or misunderstood. 


Instead look to see if the person really cares and wants to understand, then share in an educational manner so the other person can join you.  If you feel they are not worthy to join you, not your friend, or worth the cost to extend yourself, then just stay silent and give it to God. 


6.  Always try to be thankful. 


When someone gives of them self to you, it costs them something each and every time.  Learn to say thank you each and every time they give to you.  Look for SPECIFIC things to say thank you about.  Thanking someone means that you have received what they have given and it completes a circle of meaningful relationship.  Without any response whatsoever, there is no completion of the gift, it simply goes into an empty hole and it becomes a one-sided relationship that basically makes one person a taker and the other person a martyr.


7.  Always learn to say you are sorry when you see you have failed someone. 


Always ask for forgiveness when you are sorry, and learn to be specific about where you have failed.  Being sorry is not enough, asking for forgiveness is scriptural.  Withholding the confession of being sorry and asking forgiveness is pride which is the opposite of a contrite heart.  Confession is healthy for the soul and brings healing to both people.  Confession allows the other person to feel validated that they were offended and it allows them to forgive and release judgment.


8.  Always learn to forgive those who have offended you. 


Forgiveness means refusing to hold onto it and asking God that it not be kept in remembrance in their heavenly account, but forgiven and erased as though it never happened. 


9.  Understand your personality and seek to understand others. 


Find out what they need the most in relationship and make efforts to help establish and support them in what matters in their lives, whether it be their family, their job or their lives in the Lord.


10.  Always stay faithful to your word, your commitments and follow through. 


Ask God to help you remember when you have made promises, so that in your efforts to change and improve, you can find ways to stay faithful without hurting the other person.


If you cant do that, then forsake making promises and commitments even if the other person is dragging, nagging or pulling one out from you.


11.  Always find out what the other person wants from you and discern their motive.


You may not want to comply, be able to comply or available to comply.  Don’t lead someone down a false path, keeping them hoping for what you will not give.


If they continue to be disappointed, have a heart to heart talk and find out what they expect. 


Find the common link that you both have in building a relationship and then try to stay within those boundaries.  Going outside the boundaries of that common ground forces both people to get bumped off God’s prescribed path.


12.  Always stay respectful in your words, attitudes, heart and motives.


Remember that Jesus is sent to you through that other person and He has something to tell you, if you will respect that person enough to listen.



1 Cor 13:4-13 NLT

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  8 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. 9 Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! 10 But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.  11 It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.  13 There are three things that will endure — faith, hope, and love — and the greatest of these is love.


 CLICK HERE FOR TEACHING:  How to Rebuild Trust



Words from the The Quickened Word are excerpts from the journals of Sandy Warner.  To better understand how God speaks, read Sandy’s book, “101+ Ways God Speaks, And How to Hear Him.”  Website:    Email:  







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