TIPS ON BUILDING HEALTHY COMMUNICATIONS
Here are some healthy keys in communicating with
people. These good habits will help re-build broken
bridges and heal hearts.
1. Jesus told us to honor one another and esteem
them higher than ourselves.
If Jesus got down on His knees to wash His friend’s
feet, we should do the same. That very act is basically
looking up at the other person and serving them where
Try looking in the natural world and then bringing along
the spiritual world as parables and tools to build that
person’s faith and relationship in the Lord. If that
person won’t let you in to know their natural world,
then look for their spiritual gifts and build from
When you look up to a person, acknowledge that you are
seeing and hearing Jesus in them. That part of them
that is Jesus, you are learning from, appreciating and
finding joy in fellowship with Him and the other
person. When you look up to a person, it is also their
character in their choices, motives and trials. Try to
honor those qualities by letting the other person know
when you have a chance.
2. Always try to build up the other person by
looking for their good qualities.
Continually look for opportunities to acknowledge them
to that person so they become established in that good
When you are looking for good qualities, there are
physical, spiritual, moral, and personality qualities.
The more time building up what is most important, the
more they will try to become that person on a consistent
When you try to build up a persons’ good qualities it
makes them feel loved, approved, validated, established
and honored. It gives them a sense of identity and
heals rejection and shame.
3. Always try to withhold any kind of negative “you”
Withhold statements that point a finger and label the
other person’s character or behavior in any kind of
Try not to criticize, complain about or tear the other
person down in any way, but instead reinforce the
opposite positive behavior and choices when you
4. Always try to accept the other person and try not
to change that person.
Instead pray about the things that you feel need to
change and then wait for God given opportunities to
discuss them if you have a close enough relationship to
5. Always try to refrain from being defensive when
you feel falsely accused or misunderstood.
Instead look to see if the person really cares and wants
to understand, then share in an educational manner so
the other person can join you. If you feel they are not
worthy to join you, not your friend, or worth the cost
to extend yourself, then just stay silent and give it to
6. Always try to be thankful.
When someone gives of them self to you, it costs them
something each and every time. Learn to say thank you
each and every time they give to you. Look for SPECIFIC
things to say thank you about. Thanking someone means
that you have received what they have given and it
completes a circle of meaningful relationship. Without
any response whatsoever, there is no completion of the
gift, it simply goes into an empty hole and it becomes a
one-sided relationship that basically makes one person a
taker and the other person a martyr.
7. Always learn to say you are sorry when you see
you have failed someone.
Always ask for forgiveness when you are sorry, and learn
to be specific about where you have failed. Being sorry
is not enough, asking for forgiveness is scriptural.
Withholding the confession of being sorry and asking
forgiveness is pride which is the opposite of a contrite
heart. Confession is healthy for the soul and brings
healing to both people. Confession allows the other
person to feel validated that they were offended and it
allows them to forgive and release judgment.
8. Always learn to forgive those who have offended
Forgiveness means refusing to hold onto it and asking
God that it not be kept in remembrance in their heavenly
account, but forgiven and erased as though it never
9. Understand your personality and seek to
Find out what they need the most in relationship and
make efforts to help establish and support them in what
matters in their lives, whether it be their family,
their job or their lives in the Lord.
10. Always stay faithful to your word, your
commitments and follow through.
Ask God to help you remember when you have made
promises, so that in your efforts to change and improve,
you can find ways to stay faithful without hurting the
If you cant do that, then forsake making promises and
commitments even if the other person is dragging,
nagging or pulling one out from you.
11. Always find out what the other person wants from
you and discern their motive.
You may not want to comply, be able to comply or
available to comply. Don’t lead someone down a false
path, keeping them hoping for what you will not give.
If they continue to be disappointed, have a heart to
heart talk and find out what they expect.
Find the common link that you both have in building a
relationship and then try to stay within those
boundaries. Going outside the boundaries of that common
ground forces both people to get bumped off God’s
12. Always stay respectful in your words, attitudes,
heart and motives.
Remember that Jesus is sent to you through that other
person and He has something to tell you, if you will
respect that person enough to listen.
1 Cor 13:4-13 NLT
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or
boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its
own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record
of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about
injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always
hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Love
will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown
languages and special knowledge will all disappear. 9
Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy
reveals little! 10 But when the end comes, these special
gifts will all disappear. 11 It's like this: When I was
a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child
does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12
Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but
then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All
that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I
will know everything completely, just as God knows me
now. 13 There are three things that will endure —
faith, hope, and love — and the greatest of these is
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