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4/13/09 TIPS ON HOW TO APOLOGIZE
HEARD: All we have to do is make it right.
PIX: I saw the doorpost and the frame of the
door with degreaser pouring down the greasy film on the
door.
HEARD: Entanglement. Personality. Say your
sorry. Being in the world but not of it. Keep a short
list.
1 John 2:15-17 NKJV
Do not love the world or the things in the world . If
anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in
him. For all that is in the world — the lust of the
flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — is
not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is
passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the
will of God abides forever.
I once heard a public apology from a leader who had
fallen into sin and all he did was say he was sorry. He
did not ask for forgiveness, nor did he confess his sin,
repent for his sin by changing his choice, nor did he
even apologize. All he did was say he was sorry. It
reminded me of how many parents teach fighting siblings,
“Say you’re sorry.” However if an offense has caused a
serious breach, sorry is just not deep enough.
WHAT IS AN APOLOGY?
Offering an apology is a way to fix a breach in a
relationship between people. Usually the breach takes
place because of an offense that separated them. So
when you apologize to someone, it is not for the purpose
of making the breach worse by apologizing in a wrong
way.
What not to do:
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Do not
justify your behavior by casting blame.
-
Do not
point a finger and tell the person what they did
wrong.
-
Your
apology is not about them, it is about you.
-
Do not
attempt to apologize with a proud attitude.
-
Saying
you’re sorry is not an apology.
-
Saying
you’re sorry is not repentance.
-
Saying
you apologize is not repentance.
-
Saying
you apologize is not asking for forgiveness.
-
Do not
apologize in order to manipulate for an apology in
return.
-
Do not
defend your behavior.
-
Do not
expect their immediate trust, you must earn it.
What to do:
-
Remain
humble and transparent when apologizing.
-
Take
ownership for your part of the offense.
-
Explain
what you did wrong in your behavior or word.
-
Explain
why it was wrong, according to scripture,
moral values and personal integrity.
-
Acknowledge how they are feeling.
-
Justify
and validate their feelings that they were wrongly
offended by you.
-
Give them
understanding into your behavior without using it as
your excuse.
-
Ask the
person to forgive you. Asking for forgiveness means
that they will not hold it against you and choose to
release you from the offense.
-
Respect
their feelings whether they say they forgive you or
not.
-
Repent
and tell them you have grown through the experience
and do not want to repeat the lesson again.
-
Offer to
pray with them so that you may ask God to forgive
you as well. Often the honesty of prayer melts
hearts.
Heb 12:14-16 NKJV
Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without
which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest
anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of
bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many
become defiled.
Rom 12:18-19 NKJV
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live
peaceably with all men.
Luke 7:47 NKJV
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are
forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is
forgiven, the same loves little."
Prov 29:23 NKJV
A man's pride will bring him low, but the humble in
spirit will retain honor. |
