Sandy Warner ~ ~ ~ ~

{Words of Wisdom to Men About Their Wives}
{Words of Wisdom to Women About Their Husbands}


PART ONE: {Words of Wisdom to Men About Their Wives}

Hi Loved Ones,

The Holy Spirit is wanting to heal the souls of wounded people. Today, there are many, many marriages so wounded that they are just going through the motions like empty shells. The Lord wants to pour healing into these deeply wounded places.


SIDE NOTE TO THE VISION BELOW: In my past I have had several visions whereby I was being used in intercession via dance. Some of these dances have actually been up in the sky where I am swooping and moving to the nuances of His expressive heart. Each sway and move was perfectly in tune and in one accord with what He was yearning over His people. These experiences are often filled with deep feelings of emotions but they are totally expressed through body movement.

VISION: In this particular vision I was in a private ballroom. The Holy Spirit began to play the music of His heart and just as in the other visions in the sky, I had great yearnings to respond to Him. I began to dance to the music, going through all the motions to the rise and fall and the sweeping of the music. Every movement of my hands, body and feet were in one accord with Him.

When the dance was complete, I left this private chamber of yearnings and entered a ballroom where husbands and wives were dancing to the same expressive music and being in one accord with each other. They were doing so in church! I felt so lost and alone looking at all the couples dancing and then my eye looked up and there was my husband waiting for me. He was a watchman on the balcony overlooking the couples and had been courteously waiting for me to finish my intercession in the private chamber. As our eyes locked upon each other, I had the secure feeling that he knew me very, very well and I felt a great comfort of as he descended the stairs to welcome me into his arms.



1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Gen 3:16 NKJV

Your desire (#8669) shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."

Part of the bondage of the soul within a woman is that her heart is destined to stretch towards her husband through a 'yearning, longing and running after' him. (Hebrew word "desire" #8669) This desire is expressed so beautifully by the Bride in "Song of Solomon 1:4. Draw me, we will run after thee:"

When the husband is ignorant of understanding these yearnings, the wife feels disappointed, looses trust, feels betrayed, and ultimately rejected and abandoned because she feels these yearnings are not being reciprocated or even understood. She begins to fulfill these yearnings through other sources and this ultimately forms within her an independent spirit of rebellion with a cold heart.

So what can a husband do to help satisfy his wife's yearnings and longings?

Answer: Touch and communication.

The practical thoughts below - are just that - practical. It is important that a heart of nurturing love behind these things is communicated. Without a heart behind such, they stay mechanical at best.

Try to touch her with physical affection several times a day with no sexually related motives. This means tangible affection like hugs, kisses, back scratches, back rubs, foot massages, holding hands, combing her hair, putting on lotion, washing her back, even washing her hair - any kind of affectionate, physical, tangible pampering. When you finally come together for sexual intimacy, go slow and take time to hold her and caress her.

Learn to communicate with her on an emotional level. It is difficult for men to get in touch with their feelings let alone communicate them. But at least try. Give her an opportunity to express her own by asking her questions and really listening to her. She is usually infinitely filled with more words than you are, so don't even try to compete, just listen to her tell you the whole story, - the long way around the barn. Most women work through the pains and joys of life by talking them out. The bottom line of her yearning towards her husband is to have meaningful conversation, about things that really matter and touch her heart.

Let her works praise her in the gates of your home. (Prov 31) Tell her how much you value her as a person. Think of all the things she means to you, things she does which are worthy of note, both in character and deed. Praise her, and thank her as often as you can. Pray with her and tell the Lord in front of her how much she means to you. Let her know how much her friendship means to you. Build up the Christ like characteristics and Godly integrity that she displays in your home and community.



I have seen many single women have a hard time finding a mate because they do not find a husband like Jesus. He is their standard and role model and no man compares. Some never do marry. This bonding to be married to Jesus is a deep, deep yearning within a female. It is a normal and practical part of her makeup to be the bride of Christ. It is how God created her.

It is important for husbands to know that within their wives is a God spot that no matter how hard they try, husbands can not fill. Often a wife will be struggling over an issue in which she is waiting upon the Lord and her wrestling is with God, not her mate. For the husband to understand this, brings relief from expectations. Then he is able to come along side her and support her in prayer in the midst of her quest to fill that God spot. A simple prayer is one of the most meaningful ways a husband can love his wife, which also helps her to find God in a deep and meaningful intimacy. Every night before I go to sleep, my husband washes me with prayer. He always asks that the Lord speak to me, because that is my deepest desire. He understands my needs and my weaknesses, he gives me honor as an equal to him in our marriage and his prayers are not hindered. His prayers carry great authority in the kingdom. The ministry of The Quickened Word is the long term fruit of my husband's prayers over his beloved wife.





Lord it is Your will to heal the wounded souls of marriages. I ask that You begin to open the eyes of the husbands to ways they can connect with their wives in tangible affection and heart to heart communications. I ask in Jesus' name, that where they have not dwelled with their wives in understanding, that they be forgiven and be given a second chance to win the hearts of their wives back again.

I also ask, Lord, that You grant the wives grace to forgive, and release their disappointments, hopelessness, bitterness, rebellion and independent spirits. Cause their husbands to come into the place where they dwell with their wives in understanding. I ask that You will do Your divine surgery and move into the very hearts and souls of wives and melt them with Your love and their husband's love. Lord, please bring the hearts of the wives back once again to their husbands, that they may be held and cherished and honored. In Jesus Name I pray..




PART TWO: {Words of Wisdom to Women About Their Husbands}


Prov 31:12 NKJV

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Wives, your husbands need to be able to trust you with their hearts. It is hard for them to open up and communicate in the first place. And when they do, they need to know they will not be judged, criticized, or opposed. They also need to trust that what they share will be kept in confidence and not spread to others. They need a safe place.

Many times wounded souls happen because the wives are not receiving the touch and communication they need from their husband, so they turn to nurturing their children instead. Mothers are created for touching and talking to their children, but a problem emerges when they look to their children for their own emotional needs. It places the husband at the bottom of the list, along with his own strong nurturing needs of his heart and soul. The children come first, and the husband gets what is left over, if anything. With that priority out of order, the husband does not have a safe refuge for his heart. He remains outside looking in at the thriving family life going on without him. The basic needs of his soul are isolated and abandoned.



Eccl 5:18 NKJV

Here is what I have seen: It is good and fitting for one to eat and drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor in which he toils under the sun all the days of his life which God gives him; for it is his heritage.

The most common way that a man shows his love for his wife is through doing something for her related to the work of his own hands. Because of his toil to provide for his family, his soul is often caught up in being productive. He needs to feel appreciated, valued and praised for his efforts.

Wives, discover all the traits in your husband that are praiseworthy in what it takes to take care of his family, day after day, year after year. Appreciate him for these, build him up and believe in him. Comfort him when he produces less than his aspirations and let him know how valuable he is as a person outside of what he produces. Comfort his soul, be a refuge. Build up the Christ like characteristics and Godly integrity that he displays in your home and community. Thank the Lord in front of your husband, for all that your husband means to you.



Gen 1:27-28 NLT

So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them. God blessed them and told them, "Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.

Men's most basic physical drive is to create offspring. God placed within the man the sexual drive to be the instigators and the women to be the receivers. It is important to the husbands that their wives really want to receive this intimate gift God gave them. This means expressing heartfelt joy in emotional and physical response, whereby the wife not only loves and enjoys the advances of her husband's intentions, but also adores his spirit and soul through the process. Sexual intimacy was meant to be more than skin deep. God created sexual intimacy to be a pleasurable refuge for the two of them - joined as one; body, soul and spirit.



Gen 2:18-19 NLT

And the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him."

Dear ones, your husbands are lonely and most of them will never tell you this. Companionship is abiding along side of one another. Abiding is a very precious experience that does not need words, but only your supportive presence along side of your husband. You may not be able to take vacations together very often. And even though they are nice, the companionship of abiding is best expressed through simple daily life. For instance, if he needs to run to the bank, or go get gas - ride along with him. You may find your best times are just side by side. Go to the dentist with him and wait with him in the waiting room. Meet him for a lunch date. Go with him to a sport outing. Surprise him and jump in the shower with him. Run errands with him. Just BE there for him. He may not want all the problems of the world dumped on his shoulders in deep emotional talk, but he wants you and the joy of your being with him.





Lord I thank You that You are highlighting the healing of our souls at this time and especially our relationships. As wives turn to You to reach their husband's hearts, I ask that Your Words of wisdom be planted deep within. I pray that You will bring the wives into repentance where they have not guarded the hearts of their husbands. I pray that you will change the substitute places where they have sought to meet their needs for touch and intimate communication. I ask that these places be brought back to their husbands as their first priority. I ask that You will bring Your God ordained balance back into family life.

I ask that You will bring healing to the wounded souls in marriages back to health. I pray that You restore life committed husbands and wives back to being soul mates, buddies and deepest intimate lovers. And Lord, I also ask that as partners yearn over their spouses, that You will multiply their prayers for all the marriages that are in such deep pain and isolation. I ask in Jesus Name with all my heart. Amen.





Words from the The Quickened Word are excerpts from the journals of Sandy Warner.  To better understand how God speaks, read Sandy’s book, “101+ Ways God Speaks, And How to Hear Him.”  Website:    Email:  







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