Sandy Warner ~ ~ ~ ~



This week I heard someone casually mention the 5 points in the stages of grieving and it was so quickened to me that and I looked up the cliché on the internet and found that the five stages of grief are known as the Kübler-Ross model.  Dr Kübler was a psychiatrist who did extensive work in the field of death and dieing and wrote 20 over books on the subject.  Today her model of the 5 stages of grieving are commonly accepted in the field of counseling.


The five common stages of grieving are:


  1. Denial

  2. Anger

  3. Bargaining

  4. Depression

  5. Acceptance


I have not read any of her books, or anyone else’s books on the subject.  But the above 5 point model was strongly quickened to me as the same process that Christians go through when suffering losses in death to self will as God cleanses our souls. The following is what the Lord taught me while walking through that process.  I have placed the scriptures as footer numbers at the bottom of this article so that it reads more fluently.



Scripture says that we are 3 separate entities: body, soul and spirit.  (1)  We are not to deny any part of our beings, but instead use them to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.   (2)  The human soul is a very complex entity that is the center of what we feel, think and desire. (3)  It contains a mixture of our impure carnal nature and motives, demonic influences attached to places where we feed that carnal nature, and our thinking patterns.  (4)   Our soul is so deeply complex, but basically if we have to put just one label on the whole conglomeration of feelings, thoughts and desires, we could safely say that our soul is our personality.  That is easy to say, but a whole lot harder to understand. 


The process of transformation is a journey that the Lord takes us through and none of us escape the process.  (5)  If we want to produce a really good harvest in our lives, we offer what we see that doesn’t line up with Him, and ask Him to redeem it for His glory.  (6)  If we follow Jesus’ example and Words, we will go through death to self, death to the old ways, death to our carnal nature, death to the impurities of our feelings, thinking patterns and desires.  And in so doing, He takes us through the death of it, so that we can raise again in newness and freedom of life.  (7) 



God is separating the soul and the spirit, so as to clean up the conglomerated mess and bring us into freedom.   (8)  When we go through the fire of God it is to bring the dross of that mixture in our souls to the surface so that it can be offered up to Him.  (9)  The deeper the mixture in our lives, the more it hurts to let go of these parts of our personalities and rid them forever.  Why?  Because these things have been a part of the framework of who we have been. 


Death to self CAN be a quick surgery, seasoned through much grace of supernatural anesthesia and we can rise after a quick yielding through tears and repentance and walk away.  But for some issues, if these places are stubborn and they don’t leave with a simple yielding, it means they are much deeper entrenched inside of us and God takes us through a series of events that will shine light on the nature that is craving resolution and not getting it.  He will continue until we finally crash and burn with all doors closed to any kind of resolution at all.  We will have tried every avenue to find resolution, peace or freedom from that issue within the soul and nothing worked except continuous cycles of the same steps all leading to the same dead end


It is facing at that dead end, that we finally crash and burn.  We have lost hope.  There is no hope of recovery.  No place to escape.  No way out.  No way in.  “No way Hosay!”  That state is all humanly speaking without God.  But with God, it is better stated, “No way, Hosea 2.”  (10)


All those places inside our souls that crave resolution, those places that motivate us into action that are not Godly actions... those places that we strongly feel, desire and want that are actually idols taking God’s place, they are strange looking lovers lurking inside our souls crying to be pacified.  He strips us of each one of them, and then passionately draws us back to Him, clean and pure and without all the excess soul baggage.  The Hosea 2 process is prophetically true, we are all going through it if we have given our hearts to Him. 



A lot has fallen in the body of Christ and in our lives personally.  Some of us are very unhappy with who we are or what we have become.  Others are miserably stuck in a life they chose from old passions that long since died in the rubble.  For those who built with the wrong soul motives, feelings and thinkings, many are still in the pile of rubble and grieving over the loss.  It is understandable.  We are waiting upon God to say, “I will rebuild.”  (11)  Right now, He is still burning and stripping.


What can we do to prepare as we wait upon God to fulfill His promise to rebuild the fallen ruins?  We can clear away the rubble by walking out of grief over what has fallen.  Once we are over the grieving process we will have a clean slate to rebuild God’s way.



All the following human emotions in dealing with grief can be extremely strong.  And they are natural and understandable feelings.  When we suffer loss, we have soul ties to something or someone that really mattered to us.  What matters to us is where we invest our time, emotions, assets, and self.  The more we invest, the deeper the pain.  The degree of the value of what was lost is the depth of the emotions that we will have to walk through to gain our journey into freedom. 


Walking through the 5 stages of grieving is the process of clearing away the rubble of loss.   It is a process of finding that place where the foundation is level so that something good can be rebuilt.  So here is that process as I found quickened in my own life.





1.  DENIAL:  Denying a loss is a normal human response to tragedy.  Denial is simply not accepting that a door has permanently closed in your life.  Some might undermine their feelings by shrugging the loss off as though it didn’t really matter. Some may swallow the lie that the loss didn’t happen at all.  Some might believe they can win back or replace what was lost.  None of these approaches accepts the real issue of loss nor deals with its effect on the soul.    


Obviously denial is lying which is not truth.  Jesus said, we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free.  (12)  Walk out of denial by facing the truth of the pain of permanently losing something that was valuable and that mattered to you. See the pain for what it is, and accept that it hurts. 


Take the truth of that pain to God, ask for His comfort.  Talk to Him.  Also take that pain to someone you trust and express the pain so that you face it and not stuff it.  Simply accept that the loss hurts.  “I am hurting and I dont like it.  Please comfort me and help me get over this pain!”  God will bring you comfort and help you walk through this process.  (13) 


2.  ANGER:  The next stage of walking out of grief is anger.  Once the soul really realizes the loss, anger comes to the surface.  Anger is the human way of trying to resolve the feelings of injustice that the loss happened. 


Anger can be a way of lashing out for self protection: “Stay away from me, I am wounded!”  Or it can be a way of lashing out to the source over what was stolen:  “How DARE you do such a thing!” 


Scripture says that we will become angry, but not to sin with it or give any room for the devil to use it.  (14)  How?  Again by facing the anger and giving it to God.  Tell Him you are angry, ask Him to help you not to hurt other people with that anger.  And ask Him to deliver you from the anger so that you don’t stuff it inside and hurt yourself. 


Anger turned inward is dangerous.  Embedded anger becomes unforgiveness, resentment, criticism, bitterness, judgment, hatred, wrath, violence and murder.  The cycle begins with unforgiveness.  We are PROMISED that if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven.  Furthermore we are PROMISED if we do not forgive we will be tormented until we do.  (15)  It is for our own healing that God expects us to forgive, even as He forgives us.


Walk out of anger by asking God to help you forgive Him, others and the injustice that stole what was lost.  He will help you walk away from anger. 


3.  BARGAINING:  The next step to resolve grief is to step away from the heat of emotion with logical attempts to negotiate out of the loss.  It has finally accepted the reality of the loss, and walked away from anger and wants to deal with a solution. 


Bargaining can be a form of debate that is trying to resolve the disappointment:  “You are wrong and I am right and this is why.” 


Bargaining can be a form of self defense.  “This is why I did or want such n’ such.” 


Bargaining can be a way of negotiating:  “If you do this, then I will do this.” 


Bargaining can be a way of finding a compromise so that you get some form of what was lost:  “Something is better than nothing.  What can I get for my willingness to let go?”


Walk out of bargaining, dont settle for less.  If you settle for less, then you will go around the same circle again until you finally face that what was lost is GONE.  To do anything less is to strive and argue with God.  (16) 


Yield up your flesh nature to barter your way off the cross and say, “God gives and God takes away.  I will trust Him though He slay me... and unlike Job, we will trust Him withOUT defending ourselves.”  (17)  Yield it all to Him and ask Him for the grace to truly let the loss go.  It is impossible to willingly embrace death to self without requesting God’s grace and enabling power.  (18)  It is agonizing pain, but you must let it go. 


4.  DEPRESSION:  Depression comes after the anguish and despair of giving up and dieing to every ounce of passion felt.  After we have truly let the loss go, the reality of facing no recovery immediately rises.  Depression is the loss of hope.  All that is left after death is the empty black void of numbness, apathy, lethargy, lack of caring, lack of ambition and incentive, a desire to quit and give up.  There is nothing left to make the clock tick.  Excessive weariness invades the mind, body and soul and all care is simply numbed and frozen over.  Everything that once motivated you is a huge black empty hole.


Of all the emotions suffered thus far, depression is the hardest to walk away from, because the very nature of depression is that it has little or no human will to care enough to walk away.  Denial cared enough to pretend.  Anger cared enough for self preservation.   Bargaining cared enough to try a substitute.  But depression has lost its ability to care.  It is in the depths of depression that we face the truth for what it is:  Depression is lack of love.


Depression is not loving God, not loving others and not loving ourselves.  Understand that the desire to quit, withdraw from and abandon all those we love is self centered.  Confess this to God and ask His forgiveness.  Confess this to the loved ones who know you are dealing with this depression and ask them to forgive you.  Receive their forgiveness, pray together and then expect God to release you from all the emotions that has gone on in your journey of loss.  He WILL hear your prayer and earnest plea for help and release you. 


As you are released, you will find that you really DO care and you care a LOT.  (19)  When the truth finally rises above all the ashes, you will find that the depth of your care/ love is the same depth of depression or lack of caring.  Simply give that care to God and let Him rebuild you into His person who pours out His love and purpose.  Die to your self life and let Him live His love life through you.  (20)



5.  ACCEPTANCE:   With acceptance comes the reminder of why you were taken through the process of cleansing your soul.  When you pour yourself into acquiring things of this world, loved ones, or deeds, it is possible to give your soul away in the process.  That comes by way of soul ties where you become so attached to people and things that their importance becomes an object of worship that takes God’s place in your heart.


These places of worship are actually the most basic motives that drive you to action.  They are at the very center of your needs that are searching for God’s love but are searching outside of God.  However if you give your soul to God, and allow Him to cleanse and separate it unto Himself, then all that you passionately pour yourself into will not burn up but will be given eternal worth and value. 


Matt 16:27 NKJV

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 


After having walked through this process you will find a tremendous sense of resolution to all of the emotions that once were so demanding.  God’s peace has purged you and set you free and all the rubble is cleared away.  You are ready to rebuild.







(1)  Body, Soul, Spirit: 


1 Thess 5:23-24 NKJV

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit , soul , and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 


(2)  Love Him With All Of Ourselves


Mark 12:30 NKJV

And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength .'


(3)  What Is The Soul:



NT:5590 psuche (psoo-khay'); from NT:5594; breath, i.e. (by implication) spirit, abstractly or concretely (the animal sentient principle only; thus distinguished on the one hand from NT:4151, which is the rational and immortal soul; and on the other from NT:2222, which is mere vitality, even of plants: these terms thus exactly correspond respectively to the Hebrew OT:5315, OT:7307 and OT:2416):

KJV - heart (+-ily), life, mind, soul, us, you.



NT:4151 pneuma (pnyoo'-mah); from NT:4154; a current of air, i.e. breath (blast) or a breeze; by analogy or figuratively, a spirit, i.e. (human) the rational soul, (by implication) vital principle, mental disposition, etc., or (superhuman) an angel, demon, or (divine) God, Christ's spirit, the Holy Spirit:

KJV - ghost, life, spirit (-ual, -ually), mind. Compare NT:5590.


(4)   Some Of The Impure Motives


Gal 5:19-25 NKJV

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.


(5)  Transformation


2 Cor 3:17-18 NKJV

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory , just as by the Spirit of the Lord.





NT:3339 metamorphoo (met-am-or-fo'-o); from NT:3326 and NT:3445; to transform (literally or figuratively, "metamorphose"):

KJV - change, transfigure, transform.



Matthew 17:2

And was transfigured (3339) before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light.


Mark 9:2

And after six days Jesus taketh with him Peter, and James, and John, and leadeth them up into an high mountain apart by themselves: and he was transfigured (3339) before them.


Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed (3339) by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.


2 Corinthians 3:18

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed (3339) into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.


(6)  Harvest From Our Lives


John 12:24-26 NKJV

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain .  He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me;



(7)  Freedom Through Death


Rom 6:4-10 NKJV

Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.  For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. 7 For he who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God.


(8)  Separating Soul And Spirit


Heb 4:12-13 NKJV

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.


(9)  God is a Consuming Fire


Heb 12:27-29 NKJV

Now this, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain.  Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire .


(10)  The book of Hosea 2 is a prophetical allegory of the process that God is bringing His people through, so that they will die to their idols and return to Him and not their master, but as their Husband.


(11)  I Will Rebuild


Isa 61:4-6 NKJV

And they shall rebuild the old ruins, They shall raise up the former desolations, And they shall repair the ruined cities, The desolations of many generations.   Strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, And the sons of the foreigner  Shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers.  But you shall be named the priests of the LORD, They shall call you the servants of our God.


Acts 15:16-17  NKJV

After! this I will return And will rebuild the tabernacle of David, which has fallen down; I will rebuild its ruins, And I will set it up;  So that the rest of mankind may seek the LORD, Even all the Gentiles who are called by My name, Says the LORD who does all these things.'  


(12)  Jesus is the Truth and He Will Set You Free


John 14:6 NKJV

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth , and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. 


John 8:32-36 NKJV

And you shall know the truth , and the truth shall make you free."   They answered Him, "We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, 'You will be made free'?"   Jesus answered them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin.  And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever.  Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. 


(13)  The Holy Spirit is Your Comforter and Helper


John 14:16-18 KJV

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter , that he may abide with you for ever;  Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless : I will come to you.


(14)  Anger


Eph 4:28 NKJV

"Be angry , and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.


(15)  Forgiveness Is Release From Torment


Mark 11:25-26 NKJV

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." 


Matt 18:34-35  NKJV

And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.


Eph 4:31-32 NLT

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.


(16)  No More Bargaining Power


Isa 45:9-10  NKJV

"Woe to him who strives with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him who forms it, 'What are you making?' Or shall your handiwork say, 'He has no hands'?  Woe to him who says to his father, 'What are you begetting?' Or to the woman, 'What have you brought forth?'"


Isa 64:8 NKJV

But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter;

And all we are the work of Your hand.


1 Cor 10:22 NKJV

Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He?


(17)   Don’t Make Job’s Mistake


Job 13:15  NKJV

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.


Job 40:1-5  NKJV

Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said:  "Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him?  He who rebukes God, let him answer it."


Then Job answered the LORD and said:  "Behold, I am vile; What shall I answer You? I lay my hand over my mouth.  Once I have spoken, but I will not answer;

Yes, twice, but I will proceed no further."


Job 42:2 & 6 NKJV

"I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.... Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes."


(18)  Embracing God’s Will Only Comes Through Prayer


Matt 26:37-39 NKJV

He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me." 

He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will." 


(19)  If You Cared Enough To Be Angry And Then Die, You Care Enough To Face God’s Request To Live


Jonah 4:9-11 NKJV

Then God  said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?"

And he said, "It is right for me to be angry, even to death!"  But the LORD said, "You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left — and much livestock?"


(20)  To Choose To Live Is To Love


Phil 1:21-24 NLT

For to me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ. I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live.


Matt 25:40 NKJV

'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' 



Words from the The Quickened Word are excerpts from the journals of Sandy Warner.  To better understand how God speaks, read Sandy’s book, “101+ Ways God Speaks, And How to Hear Him.”  Website:    Email:  







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